till the end

and there i was..

ready..
able..
willing..

but then the reins of my life,
ruthlessly snatched away..

violently..
savagely..
and above all..
without mercy...

once again i was thrust into darkness
the webs of fear that i created myself..
threatening to swallow me whole..
to the depths of never after..
no way of returning...
no way of looking back...

and there i sat...
shaking..
and wishing you would hold me..
surrounded by everything and nothing..

overwhelmed..
engulfed by waves of silence that came-a-crashing...

as always..
i waited...
and i waited...
and i waited...

and i waited with abated breath...
until my my face turns blue..
until i could feel the tendrils of death against my arms..
reaching for me..

and alone i wait..
and i waited..
looking up to the heavens above..
till i could wait no more..

~KEGEMBIRAAN~

am going home in less than 12 hours!!!.. happiness finally comes-a-calling.. so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... weee... malaysia!!.. here i come!


smile smile smile smile smile..


can u just detect how ludicrously happy i am...


weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


ding dong bell.. pussy in the well.. tralalalalala....

=)

the feeling has gone..
and i dont know how to get it back..
i dont even know if i want it back..
but it has to come back..
or is it better for it to be gone forever?..
fark..
i hate uncertainties..
i hate the not knowing..
i hate the waiting..
i hate the not being in control..
do i have too much hate in me?..
maybe..
maybe not..
who cares??
do you??
i know i dont..
maybe thats the way to go..
ride out the wave..
without a care in the world..
who knows..
maybe its the right thing to do..

Life

here are a few points i seem to notice about the mistress i call life:

1. everytime i build my hopes up.. she will never fail to drag me back.. even to a lower level than where i was before..

2. everytime i put on a farce.. and pretend to not care.. she will never fail in making sure i notice her presence.. even when it meant i would be falling smack on my face..

3. everytime i smile on the inside and not the just the outside.. she will never fail to take that inner smile away from me.. even to the extend of snatching future smiles yet to come..

4. everytime i am content with what i have... she will never fail to spread the feeling of unease into my heart.. even to the point where i no longer realise what is already mine..

5. everytime i try to be considerate for others.. she will never fail to instill that value in me.. even when most times it involves sacrificing myself and my happiness to a degree where i am left broken..

and for those reasons oh my mistress..

you win..

i am no longer a being of my own right.. i acknowledge your power and influence.. from this moment on you own my brain and my heart.. i am but an empty shell.. cursed to never dare to breathe the smell of innocence.. nor will i ever dare to bask in the rays of hope.. for i now consider hope a very dangerous thing to have.. you win.. i am but an empty shell..

-darkThoughts-

could somebody explain to me.....

1. why are women blessed with pmses and period pains??

not only do we have to deal with the whole getting our period thing.. but prior to that.. we would have to undergo an emotional roller coaster ride where everything is so near to the surface that

untitled

i'm scared of what i say..
i'm scared of what of what i do..
i'm scared of how u think of me when i open up to you..

i'm scared of picking fights..
i'm scared of standing tall..
and because of this sometimes, i decide to say nothing at all

i'm scared of telling u what i believe in for sometimes u disagree
but i think its time for me to ask, when will u be scared for me?

Apekah?!?!?! ~

munasabah tak??.

today i decided to go to momentum heat transfer only and skip solid-fluid systems... so at 9.40 saye pon siap2 la to go to school.. being the pemalas that i am.. i drove nonie's car instead of jalan sendiri.. upon arriving.. saye pon naik la lift towards the J floor... sampai je kat J floor tetibe rase bump!.. pastu the lift gave out a very strangled-sounding screech..

terdiam jap kat situ.. the lift door wont open.. adeh.. masalah... pastu rang la the alarm... talked to this guy explaining i am stuck ALONE on the top floor in the third lift... he said somebody should be coming soon.. then i heard voices outside my lift.. my lift la sangat.. anyways.. every 2 mins ade orang tanye.. are you ok love?.. u sure u're ok?.. bajet i would freak out la tuh... well good thing the lift was big enough for me to not experience any claustrophobic panic attacks... kalau tak.. i would've maki hamun all the things there...

to pass the time.. i rang people up and ended up having to nyanyi lagu doremon on the phone... blegh... around 30 mins after the lift first buat hal.. i was rescued by my 2 saviours.. lalalala.. pastu disebabkan mood telah ilang.. i went back 'home' instead of going to class.. i was 20 mins late anyways... so later have to go out again for presentation.. blegh..

-iHATEtuesdays-