till the end

and there i was..

ready..
able..
willing..

but then the reins of my life,
ruthlessly snatched away..

violently..
savagely..
and above all..
without mercy...

once again i was thrust into darkness
the webs of fear that i created myself..
threatening to swallow me whole..
to the depths of never after..
no way of returning...
no way of looking back...

and there i sat...
shaking..
and wishing you would hold me..
surrounded by everything and nothing..

overwhelmed..
engulfed by waves of silence that came-a-crashing...

as always..
i waited...
and i waited...
and i waited...

and i waited with abated breath...
until my my face turns blue..
until i could feel the tendrils of death against my arms..
reaching for me..

and alone i wait..
and i waited..
looking up to the heavens above..
till i could wait no more..

~KEGEMBIRAAN~

am going home in less than 12 hours!!!.. happiness finally comes-a-calling.. so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... weee... malaysia!!.. here i come!


smile smile smile smile smile..


can u just detect how ludicrously happy i am...


weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


ding dong bell.. pussy in the well.. tralalalalala....

=)

the feeling has gone..
and i dont know how to get it back..
i dont even know if i want it back..
but it has to come back..
or is it better for it to be gone forever?..
fark..
i hate uncertainties..
i hate the not knowing..
i hate the waiting..
i hate the not being in control..
do i have too much hate in me?..
maybe..
maybe not..
who cares??
do you??
i know i dont..
maybe thats the way to go..
ride out the wave..
without a care in the world..
who knows..
maybe its the right thing to do..

Life

here are a few points i seem to notice about the mistress i call life:

1. everytime i build my hopes up.. she will never fail to drag me back.. even to a lower level than where i was before..

2. everytime i put on a farce.. and pretend to not care.. she will never fail in making sure i notice her presence.. even when it meant i would be falling smack on my face..

3. everytime i smile on the inside and not the just the outside.. she will never fail to take that inner smile away from me.. even to the extend of snatching future smiles yet to come..

4. everytime i am content with what i have... she will never fail to spread the feeling of unease into my heart.. even to the point where i no longer realise what is already mine..

5. everytime i try to be considerate for others.. she will never fail to instill that value in me.. even when most times it involves sacrificing myself and my happiness to a degree where i am left broken..

and for those reasons oh my mistress..

you win..

i am no longer a being of my own right.. i acknowledge your power and influence.. from this moment on you own my brain and my heart.. i am but an empty shell.. cursed to never dare to breathe the smell of innocence.. nor will i ever dare to bask in the rays of hope.. for i now consider hope a very dangerous thing to have.. you win.. i am but an empty shell..

-darkThoughts-

could somebody explain to me.....

1. why are women blessed with pmses and period pains??

not only do we have to deal with the whole getting our period thing.. but prior to that.. we would have to undergo an emotional roller coaster ride where everything is so near to the surface that