Silent Blah Blah

Sedang saye makan Ais Kerim Mars milik Eizlyn...

2009-06-06T22:30:00.004+01:00

Ais Kerim..

menyamankan..
manis dan sedap..
puas hati bila dapat makan..

tapi...

bila makan laju sangat, otak jadi sakit kena brain freeze...
bila makan banyak sangat, perut jadi senak badan jadi gemok..
bila makan gelojoh sangat, nanti comot habis baju jadi kotor..

pastu in the end.. bila tak jaga..
keseronokkan yang dirasa sekejap..
sakit perit lepas tu yang lebih ..

sama aje macam cinta... kan?

Diriku kini

2009-06-03T00:22:00.003+01:00

Hari-hari ku kini berlalu dengan begitu perlahan. Saat demi saat ku menanti dengan sabar, mengira waktu sehingga tiba masanya untuk aku menjejakkan kaki ke tanah air yang ku cinta. Perilaku ku serba tak kena. Tidak lah seperti insan putus cinta tapi ke suatu tahap, mandi ku tak basah, tidur ku tak lena, makan ku tak kenyang. Setiap pagi ku mencelikkan mata dan memangkah kalendar 'imaginary' yang terus melintas di fikiran ku. Setiap pagi juga akan ku berjanji pada diri sendiri untuk menjadi lebih produktif. Tapi setiap pagi juga aku sedar, kudrat ku tiada. Memaksa diri untuk bangun dari katil cukup menghabiskan tenaga ku. Matahari yang memancar tidak lansung menggoda ku untuk keluar kerana ku tahu tiada siapa akan boleh menemanku ke mana-mana. Sindrom 'feeling-lethargic-because-there-is-nothing-to-look-forward-to' makin mencengkam hati dan perasaan ku. Jam kini menunjukkan pukul 12.30 malam. Sudah sampai masanya untuk aku tidur dan bersedia untuk menghadapi hari esok. Hari yang sama. Tiada apa yang berbeza kecuali namanya. Selamat.

p/s: pengajaran yang perlu diambil... jika anda habis exam awal berbanding rakan-rakan anda, pastikan anda sudah mempunyai perancangan selengkapnya...

Feelin'

2009-02-10T21:13:00.004Z

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY
Can't Lose What You Never Had - Westlife
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Perfect Situation - Weezer (Owh YES.. i agree!! weeeee)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
This Love - Maroon 5 (boleh la diterima)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
From The Ritz To The Rubble - Arctic Monkeys
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Everyone - BSB (giler giving...)
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Sousounde - Metisse (sumpah tatau maksud dier ape)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Intro - Breaking Benjamin
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Hear Me - Kelly Clarkson

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Everything Fades Away - Mariah Carey (too true)
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Usah Lepaskan - Taufik Batistah
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Thank You!! - Homemade Kazoku
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Good Times - Finger Eleven (terbaik!!!)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dirty Mouth - Hot Hot Heat (ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.. siot!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Diari Seorang Lelaki - Pretty Ugly
WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Flirt - Pussycat Dolls (sangat tak seswai..sangat sangat sangat!)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Selagi Ada Cinta - Ning Baizura
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Manis - Zainal Abidin
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Get Low - Flo-Rida feat. T.Pain
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Don't Wanna See You Again - Uncle Sam
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Here We Go - N*Sync
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
A Certain Romance - Arctic Monkeys
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Feelin' - Ruffedge

Tagging everybody who is important to me.. and yes.. you too!!

Sakit Jiwa

2009-02-05T16:02:00.003Z

GilaGampangSerabutOtakSakitHatiJiwaCelaru
IkutNafsuMataButaLidahBisuTelingaPekak
PerutSengkakNaluriMatiTekakSeduJantungBeku
HatiNanahHarapanPunahJariKebasSyaitanBebas
ParuPedihPerasaanSedihPeganganGoyahHancurMusnah

Ape boleh buat?? Sabar je la yang mampu...

The Struggle Within

2009-02-03T00:10:00.004Z

hush
quiet
don't say a word
for they might hear you

eyes
closed shut
blocking out the light
so they might not see

sound
silent
dwell with the deaf
as they would want you to listen

fighting away
all the demons
inside little ole me..

Succeeding At Continuously Failing

2009-01-26T16:49:00.003Z

At every start of a new semester i would tell my self that i would;

start studyin early..

begin attempting my courseworks as soon as they are given..

erase procrastination from my life's dictionary..

be more organized..

yada yada yada...

Well.. 5 semesters have passed..

And every year.. without fail..

I fail to complete all the promises that i made to myself and then some...

BUGGER SELF DISCIPLINE!!!

Exams

2009-01-25T10:44:00.001Z

Exams...

They SUCK

Enough said...

Randomness Part 1

2009-01-17T20:57:00.004Z

Randomness approaching~

I just finished watching Nanny McPhee.. i know what you're thinking.. you're probably going "isn't she supposed to be studying??" take a chill pill.. hydrogeology bores the living daylights out of me.. so yeah.. sue me for not forcing myself to read till i'm blue in the face and barfing up unintelligible BS..

Anyhoots.. back to Nanny Mcphee.. It occured to me that she does the whole ugly to pretty(ish) cycle everytime she wants to set some kids straight.. so the ones in the movie cant be the only devillishly naughty kids in all of england.. or wherever it is they're from..

So riddle me this.. if she has to do the routine a lot of time.. wouldn't she experience an identity crisis of some sort.. if it were me.. i would've gone beserk.. ugly-pretty-ugly-pretty-ugly-pretty
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

hurm.. i dono.. it's just a thought.. and that signifies the end of randomization (for the time being).. cheerios~

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

2008-12-25T17:23:00.004Z

I have had trouble sleeping for the past couple of days... Throughout the so called experience, i've picked up a few do's and don'ts... Just some tips on how to handle minor insomnia attacks..

- When you have trouble sleeping.. drinking 2 cups of nescafe late at night is not something you would wanna do.. demn yu si nikman for buying coffee mate for this house..

-Not enough sleep equals a fried up brain.. Hence, playing guitar hero at 4 am and getting pissed coz your fingers aren't doing what you're telling them to do doesn't help you one bit..

-The moment you feel sleepy.. Be it at 11 or 8.45... Prepare to sleep and make sure you wont get disturbed.. No sounds or bright lights to suddenly wake you up from the slumber that you have achieved because trust me.. Once you are woken up.. Getting back to sleep is impossible..

-Wake up early!! Regardless of what time you went to bed... 9 am is just nice.. And no naps!!! Spending all day in bed (since ere the day ends at 4 ish, it's not that hard to do) will definitely not help you correct your sleeping patterns..

-No matter where you are in the world.. Always remember to bring your Sejarah Malaysia (Tingkatan Lima) text book coz seriously.. No other book works better than this to just knock you right off to dreamland...

And there you go.. For all you other screwed up sleepers just like me..

p/s: tonight i have to sleep early coz tomorrow will be my first proper boxing day outing.. will tell you how that one goes.. fingers crossed!!!

Half truths, White Lies, Blatant Deceptions

2008-12-23T01:37:00.004Z

Slalu nye kalau ade orang kantoi menipu, may it be in any sort of circumstance, diorang akan try to save diri sendiri to a certain degree.. Kadang2 tak kantoi pon... But still they feel the need to justify to themselves that ape yang diorang buat tu (i.e menipu) is something acceptable and in extreme cases DIPERLUKAN.. Lets just put on our observation goggles for a while and look at what ketige2 bende ni actually means..

-Half Truths-
This is the most safe thing to use.. Simpan information.. Jangan bagitau sume.. Basically jadi kan story tu macam cheese.. Holes here, there, everywhere!!.. Very useful if tau diri sendiri blabber mouth dan akan cerita kat orang ramai.. At least biler orang ramai tu bergossip about yu (inevitable if yu are one who likes to talk about anything and everything on God's green earth) takkan ade discrepencies dalam compilation story diorang..

-White Lies-
Owh yess.. The matyr.. Good intentions leading the way.. The ever so famous white lie.. Digunakan when penipuan yang berlaku is for a good reason.. Contohnyer, anda gi open house rumah kawan anda/bos mak anda /pak cik anda /gerlpren anda... Makanan yang di sajikan sumpah tak sedap.. Tapi bile ditanye.. Anda senyum menjawab.. Delicious!!! walaupon dalam hati tuhan je yang tahu dah terbayang2 kfc sebab lapar giler tapi tak sanggup nak tambah makanan dan hadapi seround lagi..

and last but not least......

-Blatant Deceptions-
Yang ini.. Rase nye.. Tayah explain pon tak pe kot.. People use it almost every single day.. Its easier to do this than the previously mentioned categories.. Menipu terus... Banyak reasons why people do it.. Banyak care too!!.. You can lie with yur expression, smiling tapi secretly tgh giving the other person the finger behind yur back.. You can lie with yur actions and, of course, dengan lidah anda yang bercabang itu..

Frankly my friends.. To me.. Sume same.. They are all different words describing the same thing... you can call it whatever yu want.. You can list down a gazillion reasons on why yu did what yu did and said what yu said.. The bottom line is.. you lied.. simple.. T.I.P.U.... L.I.E... (arina can spell.. yayyy!!!)... at least when you own up to it.. though you lose my trust.. at least you salvage some of my respect for coming clean in the end.. And for those of you who believe white lies exists, get off your high horse and smell the coffee.. you have denial written all over your face..

So... on that note.. i, hereby declare that honesty is NOT my best policy.. due to the simple fact that i lie... everyday.. and that.. my friends.. is the truth.. =)

Tongue Twisters

2008-12-19T16:29:00.004Z

Feeling bored??..
Nobody to hang out with??..
Low on cash for entertainment?!?!

Then try the newly compiled collection of cool tongue twisters free of charge!!
All you need..
Is acceptably in working condition speech tools (i.e mouth, tongue, voice box, etc etc)
And.....
A VERY BORED JOBLESS MIND

All set?!?!?! Then lets get twisting!!!

1.
A Tudor who tooted a flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to their tutor,
"Is it harder to toot
or to tutor two tooters to toot?"

2.
You've no need to light a night-light
On a light night like tonight,
For a night-light's light's a slight light,
And tonight's a night that's light.
When a night's light, like tonight's light,
It is really not quite right
To light night-lights with their slight lights
On a light night like tonight.

3.
If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot
To talk ere the tot could totter,
Ought the Hottenton tot
Be taught to say aught, or naught,
Or what ought to be taught her?
If to hoot and to toot a Hottentot tot
Be taught by her Hottentot tutor,
Ought the tutor get hot
If the Hottentot tot
Hoot and toot at her Hottentot tutor?

Feeling adventurous??
Try some in different languages!!

French

Un chasseur sachant chasser chassait sans son chien de chasse.

Ton thé, t'a-t-il ôté ta toux?

Étant sorti sans parapluie, il m'eût plus plu qu'il plût plus tôt.

Japan

Namamugi, Namagome, Namatamago.

German

Fischers Fritze fischt frische Fische;
Frische Fische fischt Fischers Fritze.

Zulu

Ingqeqebulane yaqaqela uqhoqhoqho, uqhoqhoqho waqaqela iqaqa, iqaqa laqalaza.

That's all folks!! Have a nice time trying these out... I would have to admit.. Some really twists your tongue!! *adeh lidah lenguh*

While They are Away

2008-12-16T23:46:00.004Z

This weekend, Westy (other than myself) and Crofty will be away, as in not be in Manchester.. I will be left alone.. Ok that sounds a bit too dramatic...

For the record.. They are not planning to 'leave' me.. I myself decided to not go with them..

So... What should I do this weekend???...

1) The guitar hero will be all mine to go crazy over..
2) The actual guitar will be all mine to go crazy over (though this happens basically ALL the time)
3) The TV will be all mine to go crazy over..
4) Other than staying home should i go hang out???
5) Study?!?!?!?!?!!?!? (gulp!)
6) Kemas rumah... (shyt.. i have been showing minor OCD symptoms all week!!)

Aiyoohhh... Having so much freedom has never been more confusing!!!!

p/s: yes I AM focusing on things that are trivial so that i dont have to think about things that matter in my life.. Diversions are my choice of addiction..

p/s/s: for those of you who dont know..Westy represents the people who live at Great Western St (Cuna, Eizlyn, Ikmal, and yours truly) while Crofty (Crofton St) are the guys (Mun, Nikman, Zaid, Iskandar)... No idea what Deyne (Deyne Ave) will be up to though (Din, Dan and a few others whom i am not that close with)

What is wrong with 2008???!?!?!?!

2008-12-15T12:56:00.003Z

For the last few months i have seen problems after problems hit people around me, the not so near ones, the complete stranger ones, and last but not least myself.. Is it something to do with the water?.. Is something addling up our brains so that this chain reaction of disaster after disaster came a-washing?!?!? How is it that other people's choices can cause a butterfly effect that can fuck up our life so completely (ok maybe not THAT complete.. just feels that way), till we feel like losing control over our own life... So can somebody PLEASE explain to me.. what the hell is wrong with 2008??

This is a very long one so if you don't want to read the whole thing, the conclusion is at the end of the post!

2008-12-08T23:02:00.009Z

This is my take on Females and Relationships (or lack thereof);

It seems that the further we venture into this millennium, more and more females began to see the error of their ways in handling things. One of the branches of life that exhibits the evidence of this so called 'evolution', is the co-dependency between the female form and the opposite sex. This is known as the phenomena of relationships..

I remember the days, back when divorces were still frowned upon, the aftermath of breakups were still predictable, and of course, the yesteryears when being cheated on by your boyfriend was not unheard of, but, as a lady, you were able to deal with it in a ladylike manner (to some extent, of course)..

Lets look at the memories one at time..

Penceraian
Although divorces are still taboo, it is no longer a surprise when they do happen.. There was a time when the ending of a marriage will cause tongues to wag for days on end..
The typical respond for 2008??

Cerai lagi???
So bosan already la this topic!!! NEXT!!!

Unless the divorcees are celebrities, or were involved in a scandal, or are celebrities who were involved in a scandal, the story would have very little to offer in order to command people's attention... And since we are on the topic, of course we will discuss bout 'mak jandas'... These women were once feared by wives for they are looked at as husband stealers.. Nowadays that is no longer the case.. Women everywhere are accepting the fact that the crumbling down of one's marriage does not mean that one has failed as a human being.. More and more people(both men and women) are incorporating the wisdom of these two phrases;
'Shyt happens' and so 'Life must and WILL go on'
And society in general has a more blaséd attitude towards these female individuals known as the jandas.. It has become such a common thing nowadays that you can just almost hear this type of response - "divorced yer?!?! welcome to the club!!!" - becoming a normality.

Breakups - 'how females deal'
Dulu after clash dengan boyfriend, most girls would think it is somehow their fault.. This train of thought results in either one or quite possibly all of the actions below;
-barricading themselves in their rooms
-avoiding contact with other human beings
-crying their eyes out (meraung or silent crying is up to the female in question)
-talking to the bestfriend, analysing each and every day of the relationship
-refusing meals
-binge eating (chocolate, ice cream, fried chicken etc etc)
Fact of the matter is, these actions are driven primarily by sadness and guilt... Hence, they are mostly self detrimental in the pursue of comfort..

The reactions that females nowadays have towards break ups are primarily driven by anger and hatred.. The 'what-have-i-done-wrong?' syndrome has been replaced by the 'that-effing-idiot-seriously-doesn't-know-what-he's-giving-up' belief... This gave birth to the new line of counter attacks employed by women who are in the now..
-every free minute is spent with friends
-go to events to get to know new people
-probably cry a few times in a bergenang air mata kind of way.. (unless mmg yu can cry at a drop of a hat.. then that's different!)
-talking to the bestfriend, bitching bout each and every flaw the dude has
-having meals at fancy places with friends just to treat themselves
-smoking/drinking and also binge eating while doing some more bitching about the 'ex'..
-listening to songs like 'i'm not missing you' and 'it's not right but it's ok'

Do bear in mind that this does not ring true for everyone.. It's just an observation i made on the few relationship carnages that surround me.. It may just be that that's how my circle handle things.. a still self detrimental but more proactive approach to get back on track.. No longer only depending on time to heal the 'wounds'... More often than not, they end with 'omaigod puas nye ati aku!!' and 'i don't need you anymore!!' kind of feeling..

Cheating Significant Others
All i can remember is that it involves a lot of nangis.. maki hamun sane sini (extreme cases) and more or less the same things you do when you break up... Now... the things done upon discovering that your loved one is not loving you alone, are numerous, various and might involve;
-punching
-screaming
-bawakking your friends to go serang his place
-kicking
-scratching (him AND his car)
-spending on his credit card till he is maxed out
-taking away his sim card (or his phone if you really wanna go all the way with this one)
-evicting him out of the house
-taking back all the stuff you ever gave him
-ratting him out to his parents
-telling everybody what he did so that he feels like a real jerk

and the list goes on to involve the person he is cheating with (if the girl knew that was going on..)

-pulling her hair
-confronting her one on one to tell her what a b!tch she is
-ratting her out to HER parents
-spreading the word bout what she did (exceptionally affective if you know tons of people)
-slapping her
-splashing water to her face (very popular if jumpe kat kedai makan)

and the list goes on and on.. Am not creative enough to come up with bizarre ways to get back at the people who hurt you.. All that i have listed down are the things that i know for a fact has happened amongst the people i am acquainted with..

Anyways, you might probably be thinking.. where am i going with all these trips down memory lane and comparing them to the present times.. Actually, what i want to point out is the reactions one might receive and perceive now, compared to how it was back then, has changed tremendously.. so listed below are the conclusions..

Women/Girls have learnt, throughout years of experiments, that;
1. Blaming themselves isn't what one should do when faced with hardships in a relationship..

2. Being actively angry and lashing out is an acceptable way to cope with break ups.. Girl power and all that shyt~

3. Breaking up is not the end of the world.. Keje, cari duit, be content with yourself and the guys will find you..

and the kicker...

4. This so called co-dependency is so over-rated..

And this, my friends, is why you find more and more females who are able to move from one relationship to another quite fast, able to leave their partners just-like-that, able to not care as much and be emotionally invulnerable, and last but not least, able to call themselves a commitaphobe. The End.

p/s: this not an attack on the male population, just mere justification for myself on why we behave the way we do..

Apparently I Am BACK!

2008-12-08T00:57:00.003Z

heylo people.. first things first.. i think an apology is in order for those people who do actually read my blog.. i haven't written anything new for quite some time.. it's not that i am too busy with life.. it's just that.. i did not find anything interesting to write about.. owh believe you me there were some off the charts effed up shyt happening.. i just couldnt be bothered to write about it.. uses too much of my energy.. dark posts takes a lot of brain power to produce.. and the things that happened.. phewww.. would have rendered me in a vegetative state... so yes.. sorry rakan2 for not writing!!! =P

anyways..in the last couple of months, things have been pretty topsy turvy in the relationship department for a lot of people.. i guess cupid went on a strike and decided that ending a lot of 'couplings' is an effective way to get back at.. ermm.. whoever it is that cupid is raging war against.. i've heard/seen the mildest form of separation to the down right scary types... neither extremities are pleasant but sometimes it's just something that needs to be done and over with..

some of the breakups were long overdued.. but some.. were so out of the blue and absurd that i still need time to wrap my head around them.. the whole chain of events got me thinking.. is this why more girls have guy-like attitudes.. because relationships nowadays comes and goes as easily as masak meggi.. cepat dier siap.. cepat jugak dier habis... and like eating meggi also.. the feeling of being full is not the same as makan nasi and lauk.. takes more preparation and time.. but man.. bile kenyang tu.. TEGOLEK!!!! puas hati toksah cakap lah kan...

anyhoots.. to those of you who were hit by this wave of destruction that encik cupid has produced.. you hang in there.. sunshiny days are yet to come.. surround yourself with positivity.. no point in dwelling in the dark side.. bazir mase and bazir tenaga... be with friends.. dont miss any oppurtunity to laugh and be merry... but.. if yu feel the urge to cry.. please do so.. there is no shame being sad in losing something or someone that was once precious to you ( and probably still is )... think of it as a cleansing of the soul.. if you need me to cry with you.. just get in touch and i will try my best to be there..

remember.. think happy thoughts!! cheerios~

the ramblings of an idiot

2008-04-20T12:12:00.004+01:00

u answered with a cheery voice.....
till u found out it was i who is on the other line..
and then everything changed...
your voice..
your manner...
i could even hear ur smile turning upside down..
your sentences were;
short..
brisk..
forced..
and i knew the cheery hello wasnt meant for me...
the smile u wore wasnt for me..
the expectant tone of voice wasnt for me..
i wish it was..
owh how so many things that i wish..
so many..
so futile..
so..
lost...
and then i thought..
really..
what am i doing..
no idea..
no clue..
and then i smiled..
a million things running through my mind...
overwhelmed..
engulfed..
drowned...
for lack of better word..
empty..
i was..
empty....

till the end

2008-03-17T18:22:00.003Z

and there i was..

ready..
able..
willing..

but then the reins of my life,
ruthlessly snatched away..

violently..
savagely..
and above all..
without mercy...

once again i was thrust into darkness
the webs of fear that i created myself..
threatening to swallow me whole..
to the depths of never after..
no way of returning...
no way of looking back...

and there i sat...
shaking..
and wishing you would hold me..
surrounded by everything and nothing..

overwhelmed..
engulfed by waves of silence that came-a-crashing...

as always..
i waited...
and i waited...
and i waited...

and i waited with abated breath...
until my my face turns blue..
until i could feel the tendrils of death against my arms..
reaching for me..

and alone i wait..
and i waited..
looking up to the heavens above..
till i could wait no more..

~KEGEMBIRAAN~

2008-03-11T20:02:00.001Z

am going home in less than 12 hours!!!.. happiness finally comes-a-calling.. so happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... weee... malaysia!!.. here i come!

smile smile smile smile smile..

can u just detect how ludicrously happy i am...

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ding dong bell.. pussy in the well.. tralalalalala....

=)

2008-03-08T21:27:00.003Z

the feeling has gone..
and i dont know how to get it back..
i dont even know if i want it back..
but it has to come back..
or is it better for it to be gone forever?..
fark..
i hate uncertainties..
i hate the not knowing..
i hate the waiting..
i hate the not being in control..
do i have too much hate in me?..
maybe..
maybe not..
who cares??
do you??
i know i dont..
maybe thats the way to go..
ride out the wave..
without a care in the world..
who knows..
maybe its the right thing to do..

Life

2008-03-07T11:03:00.003Z

here are a few points i seem to notice about the mistress i call life:

1. everytime i build my hopes up.. she will never fail to drag me back.. even to a lower level than where i was before..

2. everytime i put on a farce.. and pretend to not care.. she will never fail in making sure i notice her presence.. even when it meant i would be falling smack on my face..

3. everytime i smile on the inside and not the just the outside.. she will never fail to take that inner smile away from me.. even to the extend of snatching future smiles yet to come..

4. everytime i am content with what i have... she will never fail to spread the feeling of unease into my heart.. even to the point where i no longer realise what is already mine..

5. everytime i try to be considerate for others.. she will never fail to instill that value in me.. even when most times it involves sacrificing myself and my happiness to a degree where i am left broken..

and for those reasons oh my mistress..

you win..

i am no longer a being of my own right.. i acknowledge your power and influence.. from this moment on you own my brain and my heart.. i am but an empty shell.. cursed to never dare to breathe the smell of innocence.. nor will i ever dare to bask in the rays of hope.. for i now consider hope a very dangerous thing to have.. you win.. i am but an empty shell..

-darkThoughts-

2008-03-06T22:26:00.002Z

could somebody explain to me.....

1. why are women blessed with pmses and period pains??

not only do we have to deal with the whole getting our period thing.. but prior to that.. we would have to undergo an emotional roller coaster ride where everything is so near to the surface that

untitled

2008-03-06T21:17:00.003Z

i'm scared of what i say..
i'm scared of what of what i do..
i'm scared of how u think of me when i open up to you..

i'm scared of picking fights..
i'm scared of standing tall..
and because of this sometimes, i decide to say nothing at all

i'm scared of telling u what i believe in for sometimes u disagree
but i think its time for me to ask, when will u be scared for me?

Apekah?!?!?! ~

2008-03-04T10:35:00.004Z

munasabah tak??.

today i decided to go to momentum heat transfer only and skip solid-fluid systems... so at 9.40 saye pon siap2 la to go to school.. being the pemalas that i am.. i drove nonie's car instead of jalan sendiri.. upon arriving.. saye pon naik la lift towards the J floor... sampai je kat J floor tetibe rase bump!.. pastu the lift gave out a very strangled-sounding screech..

terdiam jap kat situ.. the lift door wont open.. adeh.. masalah... pastu rang la the alarm... talked to this guy explaining i am stuck ALONE on the top floor in the third lift... he said somebody should be coming soon.. then i heard voices outside my lift.. my lift la sangat.. anyways.. every 2 mins ade orang tanye.. are you ok love?.. u sure u're ok?.. bajet i would freak out la tuh... well good thing the lift was big enough for me to not experience any claustrophobic panic attacks... kalau tak.. i would've maki hamun all the things there...

to pass the time.. i rang people up and ended up having to nyanyi lagu doremon on the phone... blegh... around 30 mins after the lift first buat hal.. i was rescued by my 2 saviours.. lalalala.. pastu disebabkan mood telah ilang.. i went back 'home' instead of going to class.. i was 20 mins late anyways... so later have to go out again for presentation.. blegh..

-iHATEtuesdays-

Lagu untuk Nonie

2008-02-22T21:52:00.004Z

Cik Nonie!!!.. this song is for you!!!!!

Munajat Cinta

Malam Ini Kusendiri
Tak Ada Yang Menemani
Seperti Malam Malam
Yang Sudah Sudah

Hati Ini Selalu Sepi
Tak Ada Yang Menghiasi
Seperti Cinta Ini
Yang Slalu Pupus

Tuhan Kirimkanlah Aku
Kekasih Yang Baik Hati
Yang Mencintai Aku
Apa Adanya...

Mawar Ini Semakin Layu
Tak Ada Yang Memiliki
Seperti Aku Ini
Semakin Pupus...

wee... di kala ini.. you are sleeping.. hugging ur garfield.. if only ade camera... saye amek buat blackmail.. wahahahaha

London Trip~ (short karangan la plak)

2008-02-21T22:18:00.006Z

Last weekend ayu, alep and myself went to london for the Legasi Tun Razak Seminar held by Kelab UMNO London. Instead of departing on friday evening like what any normal person who lives 4 hours drive away from london would do, the three of us decided to bangun damn awal and bertolak on saturday morning instead... Arina set alarm for 4.30 tapi PM.. Alep.. huh.. tayah cakap la kan... kalau dah at 2 o'clock baru nak sleep because of watching some korean doctor series... tadek makne nak rely on him to kejut.. Luckily we had our miss Azlina Ideris a.k.a cik ayu who came a-knockin on my door at 5 am..

"arinaaaaaa... are we going to this thing or not?!?!?!...."

and arina replied groggily...

"pegi.. pegi..."

pusing2 kasi selimut for a better coverage. it seemed to me as though ayu counted to 5 before telling me to 'bangun laaaaa' and go shower since we have a long drive ahead of us. with my eyes partly closed and bumping into anything and everything that stands in between myself and the toilet.. i finally managed to bersiap2 and kejut alep to get ready... gegas sane gegas sini tegolek golek rushing.. we finally managed to leave the house at 5.30-ish... alep.. being alep.. did not fill up the gas tank the night before.. so we had to stop by a station for petrol.. after godek2-king the tom-tom (gps navigation thingamajiggy) we were set on our way to the capital of England.. just one problem.. THE TOM TOM WAS LEADING US IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.. Little did we know this was an early preview of more sakit ati-ness to come..

After finally getting on the highway... Alep and Ayu started to drift off to sleep while yours truly was the one driving the car.. upon reaching a very confusing exit i had to wake up alep and notify ayu that i did not understand what the tom-tom was telling me... the lady voice was telling me to turn but the picture is telling me to go straight.. after a rapid 5 second consultation with alep, we decided to go straight ahead.. but alas.. it was the wrong way to go.. the route was recalculated and an extra 30 mins was added to our travel time.. baka saru!!! Alep and Ayu stayed awake untill we got on the 'right road' and alep dozed back off to sleep with the last words " ko follow je exit gi Birm south.. nanti pastu nampak ar signboard to london.. okey?.. krohhhhh "

okay i exaggerated the krohhh part.. hehe.. it was smooth sailing after that... untill we hit london traffic... oh my god.. london drivers should be locked up and never be allowed to see the light of day ever again.. first and last experience driving in london.. i will not do it again no sireee... after a few more misleading turns, we arrived at London School of Economics where the seminar was held.. found parking, which was exorbitantly expensive (4 effin pounds per hour), and walked to what we thought was the location of the East Building.. we were shoo-ed inside as the event was about to start..

the event began with a speach from Dzariman as head of Kelab UMNO London and the floor was later then given to Tun Musa Hitam who was the keynote (and only) speaker of the day.. there were 2 other speakers who were supposed to attend but due to unforeseen circumstances (election.. unforeseen la sangatttt) were in the end unable to. they sent their regards instead..

It was my first time listening to Tun and i would have to say.. he's good okey?!?!?! he answers any question from the floor with ease and with enough humour to lighten the mood.. but if one listens carefully.. behind those answers and anecdotes lies the mind of a genius.. and he is owh so knowledgable..

towards the end of the seminar i already made plans to meet up with my london (+ 1 egham) friends from KTJ time.. hehe.. i just love phone texting dont you?.. so ayu, suhana alia (who was my roomate back in 2005 was at the event as well) drove towards marble arch to look for parking near edgeware road since we were planning to lepak in the oxford street area.. we met up with farah ann (furry wurry!!!) and looked for a place to sit and have drinks...

since starbucks was full with so many people yg tatau datang dari mane... farah brought us to st. christopher's square.. at least i think it was st. christopher's square.. it was near selfridges anyways... to sit at this cafe called either carluggios or garluccios.. we were joined later by alep and even later by qing hong.. after all the ' i haven't seen you in AGES ' and gossiping.. it was time for the three mancunians to head home.. we parted ways and me, ayu n alep started on hour journey back to manchester...

suddenly, alep :

" wei nak balik terus ker?!?!... "

so we decided to singgah2 places instead... first destination.. Arsenal Stadium.. dont ask why.. ade la reason.. pastu d moment kitorang sampai...

" ni HIGHBURY!!!!!!.. tom-tom ni tak update ker?? AGHHHHH "

kitorang pon terpacak tgk stadium lame yg sedang di dismantled.. tensi nye pasal.. we headed straight home.. sampai2 terus tido tegolek... got a full nights rest for a sunday yang penuh dengan pembacaan...

London traffic on a Saturday morning

the LR6 gang!! together again

me n my penguin!! comeyh comeyh

mancunians

~Listening~

2008-02-18T08:10:00.003Z

The calling for a true 'good listener' :

1. Capable to withhold problems and secrets without having to tell another person about it. this extends to self problems and secrets as well. this rule does not cover gossips. feel free to gossip about.

2. have the attention span of a saint in order to be able to listen, understand, and engage in the conversation at hand. staring into space while somebody is pouring their hearts out is a definite no-no

3. be emotionally strong enough if any attempts to finally fess up to somebody other than one's self, gets rejected by the simple notion that the other person thinks their problems are bigger than yours.

4. to some extend feel like nobody else is interested in listening to you other than when you are commenting about them. and when you do comment be prepared for less than positive responses.

5. be disciplined enough to stick to it. if one allows one's self to be dubbed the 'listener'.. then be prepared for more updates of the subject in the future.. allocate enough time to continue being a listener unless if the other person blabs to anyone and everyone who actually understands the language they are using. if and only if this occur then the aforementioned rule is considered void.

6. have patience..

of Tumbuk-Tumbuk and Uli-Uli

2008-02-15T23:07:00.005Z

It's funny how your everyday routine can sometimes bring a smile to somebody else.. Am not talking about the jokes u make if you are the class clown.. or the antics you get yourself into by being the world's most accident prone person... This is me talking about mundane, boring and unnoticeable everyday stuff...

Today it has come across to my attention, that the fact that i call a lesung batu a 'tumbuk-tumbuk' might bring about a fit of giggles from other people.. Doesn't matter to me whether they are laughing out of disbelief or in a not so nice manner.. Fact of the matter is.. It brought a smile to their face.. And I would have to say.. it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.. It just shows that it is so easy to make other people happy and forget the world for a while.. That one word.. One that i take for granted everytime i dwell in the realm of pots and pans... Made somebody's life more bearable.. Though you might say.. It's not much.. But hey... It's definitely something.. Right?....

Ooohh.. I just thought of something... maybe this is somehow connected to my facebook horoscope thingy (previous post)... Let me go check... yay!! it is!!.. so people... DO pay attention to the things you already have... Life would be a better place when something so simple as a Tumbuk-Tumbuk could make another human being go to bed a wee bit happier... It will be good for you yourself to know that in your own way... you helped...

p/s : me using different names for cooking utensils is not a testament on my cooking ability.. or my Bahasa Melayu for that matter... HuMphhHH!!

Here Goes Nothing

2008-02-14T21:54:00.005Z

Having extracted my being from the world of blogging, i found myself once again typing away at my laptop, which at the moment is comfortably resting on my lap as its name truly implies, stringing together a list of words for the eyes of the cyber world to see. It has been almost 2 years since i last submitted a post bearing my thoughts, feelings, worries, wishes, etc etc... to be judged by other people, some of which i might not even know personally. So, here goes nothing.....

There's a very good reason why i am suddenly once again interested in becoming a blogger. The reason presented itself in the form of a conversation with a very lovable,sengal but garang-macam-singa person... That person who is very dear to me told me (very harshly i might add) that i need to open up to other people if not to them... After some considerable time thinking about it.. owh about 10 minutes to be exact... i decided... what the heck.. lets give it a try and come up with an outlet... a way for me to tell people what is playing on my mind without actually telling them... and so with the help of cik ayu pointing me in the direction i need to go to... Silent Blah Blah is born.. my sanctuary.. a mean by which i can express my inner most darkest secret... well okay not THAT deep nor dark.. have to take it slow.. Chillax a bit (my favouritest word at the moment)... maybe not now but definitely someday..

I actually wanted to comment on my facebook horoscope:

Instead of focusing on what you're lacking today, look around and notice all the amazing things you do have in your life.

but unfortunately my brain is protesting and refuses to deal anymore with words... i think the guilt of not doing the new feed calculation for my lab project is somehow forcing it to realign its thinking mechanism to focus on numbers instead.. plus i already forgot what i wanted to say in the first place.. haha.. old age.. inevitable... so i guess i'll save my 'words of wisdom' for some other day.. get ready people.. the new 'out there' arina is on the rise... see ya!